Day 5 August 3/4
Restore Mother-Daughter Bond
Self-Guided Ritual created by Wendy Stiver
A. Introduction
It is not May, it is not Mother’s Day, but we are talking about Mothers and Daughters. We have all been somebody’s daughter, even if we have never become mothers. This topic could lead us on a gigantic labyrinth of writings and discussions, could fill an entire tome with our collective wisdom. But instead we will share a few poems, write some letters, and try to bring a little comfort– perhaps some needed closure?– into our lives. Welcome to the continuing journey…..
B. Poetry
The Tao is called the Great Mother:
empty yet inexhaustible,
it gives birth to infinite worlds.
It is always present within you.
You can use it any way you want.
Tao te Ching
My Daughter is Coming!
My daughter is coming!
I have bought her a bed
and a chair
a mirror, a lamp
and a desk.
Her room is all ready
except that the curtains
are torn.
Do I have time to buy shoji panels
for the window?
I do not.
First I must WRITE A SPEECH
see the doctor about my tonsils
which are dying ahead of schedule
see the barber and do a wash
cross the country
cross Brooklyn and Manhattan
MAKE A SPEECH
READ A POEM
liberate my daughter
from her father and Washington, D.C.
recross the country
and present her to her room.
My daughter is coming!
Will she like her bed,
her chair, her mirror
desk and lamp
Or will she see only
she torn curtains?
Alice Walker (1991) Her Blue Body Everything We Know. p. 360-361.
Guardian Angel
I wish I could turn back time,
as I feel a hand touch mine…
I start to walk and
feel a motion moving with me.
It is my mother’s soul letting me know
she’s watching over, never left me.
She’s my guardian angel, my everything.
I talk to her when times get tough
and I feel like I’ve had enough.
Mom’s taught me never to give up;
always fight, because in the end
things will turn out right.
I may feel like turn left
when I should turn right
so I listen to that someone I can’t see
that’s standing right next to you and me.
Yup that guardian angel is my mom
who I’ll be forever glad to mine
I know she will wait for a lifetime
to see me again,
but until then she will guide me through.
By Joellen, in Hear Me, See Me: Incarcerated Women Write. Edited by C. Redmond and S. W. Bartlett, p. 31.
My Mother’s Stories by Hiroko Yamano
I don’t want to tell her my stories
I am old.
I don’t remember.
My stories were of long time ago.
I locked my stories in a box.
I buried the key.
My daughter wants my stories.
Her soul is too restless.
I can’t keep her quiet.
She wants to know about my past,
about the old,
about something that is gone.
I don’t want her to come home.
She’s here.
She waits endlessly,
in my garden
in my dreams
for my answers.
I know
someday
she’ll be knocking
at my grave
she’ll stand there
wanting my stories
I can only tell her,
I am old
I don’t remember
My stories were of long time ago.
I locked my stories in a box.
I buried the key.
Now you must go.
(1983) quoted in Aptheker, Tapestries of Life: Women’s Work, Women’s Consciousness, and the Meaning of Daily Experience (1989), p. 32.
What your Mother tells you now
in time
you will come to know.
Mitsuye Yamada, Camp Notes.
Quoted in Aptheker (1989), p. 168.
C. Creative Writing Exercise
The mother-daughter relationship is perhaps the most important relationship in our lives, and can play an important role in defining the woman, the wife, the mother we become at various stages in our lives. If we have healthy relationships with our mothers, and our mothers are good role models, this formational relationship can help us to become strong, emotionally secure women. For many of us, however, our relationship with our mother was fraught with stress, drama, disappointments, psychopathology, and other challenges. Some of us have lost our mothers due to death, incarceration, irreconcilable conflict, or deportation.
Today we are going to put some of our thoughts, emotions, questions, and unspoken words to our mothers into writing. Take a piece of paper and a writing utensil, and using your dominant hand, write a letter to your mother about anything you want to say.
If you are no longer able to communicate with her in this life, this is a wonderful way to tell your mother what you wish you could say in person; you can write those words that you never got the chance to say. You can also try the following technique to “channel” your mother’s words in response to your letter: imagine that your mother reads the letter that you just wrote to her, now place the writing utensil in your non-dominant hand and write your mother’s response. [By using your non-dominant hand, you access a different part of your brain and more intuitive thought rather than logic and rationality. ] Don’t edit too much, don’t censor “her” voice as it starts coming through your non-dominant hand. Just let “her” write as if she received your letter.
Once your “mother” has finished writing, put the letter down, take in a few deep breaths, and read the letter when you are ready. How does it feel? Does it feel authentically like your mother’s voice? Was this process cleansing or a way to achieve closure for you? If it didn’t work for you, that can also teach you something– take some time to reflect about the letter-writing activity.
If your mother is alive, you can make a choice if you want to share the contents of this letter with her. If you decide not to give the letter to your mother, you have the option to complete the non-dominant hand writing exercise we did above. Either way, take a few minutes to reflect and journal about the choice you made.
The overall goal of today’s ritual is to work to restore the mother-daughter bond, and restoring communication is an important part of the restorative process.
D. Closing Thoughts
I wish I could remember who said it, but somebody I think said that you don’t become a full-fledged woman until your mother passes. I’m not sure if I agree with that, because I sometimes still feel my mother looking over my shoulder and she died 11 years ago. Becoming a mother didn’t make me a full-fledged woman either, but it taught me more about love, exhaustion, joy, and fear than I thought a person could learn in one lifetime.
I think if I’m ever going to be a full-fledged woman, it’s now that I’m becoming a crone. Because as my crone energy rises and my silver hairs start to come in, I don’t care about other people’s definitions of what a full-fledged woman should be, look like, sound like act like, dress like, and how she should define herself. My mother would be horrified if she looked down from heaven. My daughter is horrified sometimes because she’s here on earth to witness the glory of it all. I love them both, one in the moment and one in the memory. So thus, the bond is restored. Blessed Be.
Mago Academy hosts 2018 (5915 Magoma Era) Year 1 Nine Day Mago Celebration! Our celebration will mark the first year of the Magoist Calendar (13 month 28 day gynocentric calendar). We began the New Year on the new moon of the last December Solstice according to the Magoist Calendar. We are to commemorate nine days, the ninth day marking the 9th month the 9th day, which is also Lammas/Imbolc or Ipchu立秋/Entering Fall. Anyone can join us and welcome!
Dates July 30/31-August 7/8 (the 9th month the 9th day in the Magoist Calendar given the variation of time zones)
Theme Proclamation of WE/HERE/NOW, the Return of the 13 Month 28 Day Calendar
Planning Committee Wendy Stiver and Helen Hye-Sook Hwang
Method We will provide nine guidelines for rituals and readings. We have about 3 video meetings on the 3rd day, the 6th day and the 9th day via Google Hangouts. Times to be determined between 10AM to 6PM PST. If you want to participate, please fill out the below form. (Participants must provide a Gmail address to which you will be notified shortly. Actual invite will be sent to you 10 min before the session on each day. If you are new to Google Hangouts, please enter the conference room 10 min prior to the session. You will be invited to a Google group conversation. Please say hello to all in the chat window.)
Learn more about the Mago Almanac: 13 Month 28 Day Calendar (Book A).